More great rules to live by ("just kidding"):

1) If you're choking on an ice cube, don't panic. Simply pour boiling water down your throat and the blockage will instantly be removed.

2) Clumsy? Avoid cutting yourself while chopping vegetables by getting somebody else to hold them.

3) Suffering from high blood pressure? Just cut yourself and bleed for a while, thereby relieving the pressure.

4) A mouse trap, placed on your alarm clock, will prevent you from rolling over and hitting the snooze button.

5) If you had a bad cold, take a large dose of laxative before going to work. You'll be too afraid to cough or sneeze.

6) Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.

7) Never pass up the opportunity to potty.

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