I was an apprentice plumber, working for my dad, putting in cast iron sewers at a very rapid pace. One day, I went to my father,
the boss, and complained. "Hell, this is nothing" he said, "when I was your age, my father used to let us lay the first length of
pipe, turn the water on, and we'd have to lay pipe to keep ahead of it!!"
- from Dave Oot, Oot Plumbing, Liverpool, NY
"Did you hear that someone broke into our local police station and stole the
Right now the cops have nothing to go on....."
- from Duncan Prahl, Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
"A local doctor called us out in the middle of the night because one of his
toilets was blocked.
He insisted that it was urgent and that we attend immediately. Upon arrival
we lifted the toilet lid, threw in two aspirins, and said 'If it's still there
in the morning, give us another ring.'"
- from Michael Baker Plumbing and Heating, Beverley, East Yorkshire, England
Plumbing is the only profession where you'll hear your boss say, "Be sure your 'joints' have lots of 'Dope' in them!"
- from Wayne Holman, Wildwood, NJ
"Your crap is my family's bread & butter."
- from Kelly Trimble, Branson, Missouri
Kelly said that those words were used by Roger, a former employee of their family.
It was Roger's slogan. Roger was a real person who, according to Kelly,
used to use "blue language without regard to who was in earshot."
Thanks Kelly for your permission to show those words.
A proud father was showing a fellow worker a picture of his five grown sons.
His friend asked what they did for a living. The father said the older two
are doctors and the youngest two are lawyers. The friend asked about the
middle son and the father said, "Oh, he's a plumber. Someone had to pay for
all the others' educations."
- from Joe Gommer, Ontario Canada
A good flush beats a full house every time.
"A plumber is the only guy I know who can take a leak....
....and fix it also!"
- from Joyce Hart
In what way is a Doctor and Plumber alike?
They both bury their mistakes.
....the old stand-by:
How many plumbers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A boss to tell a plumber, a plumber to tell a helper, a helper to get his
electrician friend to do it on the side.
One to get the beer and one to call the electrician.
From the pages of the Washington Post and Chicago Tribune - Uli Schmetzer
- passed along to us by Rodney J. Stine - Plumbing Contractor
EVEN ORBITING COSMONAUTS OCCASIONALLY NEED A PLUMBER
MIR TOILET TANKS FULL AND NO HELPER AT HAND:
MOSCOW- Somewhere up there in the starry void, two Russian cosmonauts and an
American astronaut have been facing a problem Moscow's mission control has
been unable to solve: Their toilet tanks are overflowing.
The embarrassing inconvenience in orbit is happening aboard the Russian space
station Mir, staffed since Sept. 19 by American John Blaha and his Russian
colleagues, Valery Korzun and Alexander Kolery.
Russian officials said the matter is not urgent yet. But the trio has been
sending signals for a week requesting relief.
Space agency officials quoted by Russia's Tass and Interfax news agencies
admitted this weekend that not only are Mir's sanitary tanks full but a
secondary disposal system, which recycles human waste into the cooling
mechanism, also is not functioning.
The solution for such an emergency is supposed to be a pump that ejects into
the universe what should not be kept aboard. The pump is missing. A week long
search aboard the Mir has been unsuccessful, mission control reported.
At the root of the toilet problem in space is Russia's insolvency.
Four unmanned space flights to dock with Mir had to be postponed over the
last two months because funds to finish the missions' Soyuz booster rockets
ran out. The flights were to carry supplies and fresh tanks.
This weekend Tass reported more bad news for the Mir crew: Not only can
the crew no longer flush but the arrival of their relief crew, a German
and two Russians, had to be postponed from Dec. 15 to mid-February.
Tass quoted officials at the Flight Control Center outside Moscow as saying
the lack of funds has forced the space program to cut back sharply on the
production of rockets.
There is hope for Mir, Tass reported that a supply mission is now scheduled
for Nov. 20. The flight is supposed to bring empty toilet tanks and a new
pump to the 10-year-old space station - if the booster rockets can be
finished on time.
Next year, the U.S. fleet of space shuttles may prove helpful to Mir.
The Russian Space Agency announced Sunday that shuttles will be making
three scheduled trips to the space station in 1997. They are scheduled to
take two Russians and a Ukrainian to Mir in three separate 10-day trips in
March and September.
There just happened to be a lawyer convention and a plumber convention in
Oregon at the same time. There was a party of three plumbers and three
lawyers leaving California and taking the train to the conventions. As
they were standing in line for tickets, the lawyers noticed that the
plumbers only bought one ticket. The lawyers bought their three tickets and
boarded the train but watched the plumbers to see how they were going to get
by with only one ticket.
After boarding, the three plumbers squeezed into a restroom. Finally the
porter came by and knocked on the door as he said, "Ticket please". The
door cracked open and an arm reached out and gave the porter the ticket.
After the conventions, the lawyers decided to do the same thing so they
only purchased one ticket. However they noticed the plumbers didn't purchase
any tickets at all. They weren't too concerned though because -hey- they
were saving some bucks right? Well, they all boarded the train and the lawyers
packed into a tiny restroom. After a few minutes, one of the plumbers came
by and knocked on the door saying, "Ticket please."
"I once worked with a plumber in New York City that said, 'Every time you
flush your toilet you're putting food in my family's mouth'."
- from Mark and Barbara Harris
There was a story of a plumber being called to a doctor's home to do some
work. After working for about an hour, the plumber gave the M.D. a bill
for $200. The doctor said, "Good Gracious Man! I have been to medical
school and residency and have been practicing medicine for over 20 years and
I can't charge that kind of money!" The plumber smiled and said, "Yeah,
I couldn't either when I was in practice."
- from J D Witherill:
What's the difference between a doctor and a plumber?
A doctor washes his hands AFTER he has gone potty, but a plumber washes
his hands BEFORE he goes potty.
- provided by David Zuckerman of A All Types Plumbing, Utah