- Half the people you know are below average.
- 99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
- 42.7% of statistics cited by people in arguments are made up on the spot.
- A conscience is what feels bad when everything else feels so good.
- A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
- The early bird may get the worm, but it's the second mouse who gets the cheese.
- What's the speed of dark?
- How do you tell when you're out of invisible ink?
- Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
- Hard work pays off in the future; laziness pays off now.
- Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
- My mechanic told me, "I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder."
- If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
- A conclusion is the place where you get tired of thinking.
- The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.
- The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up.
- Everyone has a photographic memory; some just don't have any film.
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