Perks of being over 50

Your eyes won't get much worse then they already are. Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off. Your joints are more accurate weather meteorologists than the national weather service. No one expects you to run...anywhere! Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can't remember them either. Your supply of brains cell is finally down to a manageable size. You can eat dinner at 4pm. You have a party and the neighbors don't realize it. You get into heated arguments about pension plans. You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge. You quit trying to hold your stomach in no matter who walks into the room. You sing along with elevator music. People call at 9pm and ask, "Did I wake you?" People no longer view you as a hypochondriac. There is nothing left to learn the hard way. Things you buy now won't wear out.

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"Put it before them briefly so they will read it, clearly so they will appreciate it, picturesquely so they will remember it and, above all, accurately so they will be guided by its light."
-- Joseph Pulitzer