Never turn up the car radio so you can't hear the funny sound coming from the engine

Never tell a new mother she has a cute little son until you know the sex of the baby

Never expect that there is gas left even though the gauge reads empty

Never assume the cute little dog won't bite, unless you have good medical coverage

Never date roommates, unless you really enjoy pain

Never strip a wire with your teeth unless you are truly certain the power is off

Never dance slowly in the moonlight if you aren't ready to fall in love

Never say, "I won't marry for at least five years," unless you want to be married before the year is out

Never say anything out loud that you don't want to repeat and explain to a higher authority later

Never taste a wedding cake with your finger

Never assume a camera is loaded or that a gun isn't

Never play cards with somebody named "knuckles"

Never debate Constitutional Law with a cop in the street unless you really want a night in the gray-bar hotel

Never skip a committee meeting where they are going to assign rotten jobs

Never try to wear out a hyper child

Never assume that the car will stop in time just because the brakes work

Never assume the presence of ice cream boxes in the fridge means you have ice cream in the house

Never say, "Oh YEAH! And what are you going to do about it?" unless you already know what he's going to do

Never eat anything that is still moving

Never eat anything that is a pastel color

Never assume the fact that you still have checks in the checkbooks has any correlation to having money in the bank

Never confuse bravery with inattention

Never play with the cute little snake under your bed unless you know what it is

Never lightly give your opinion because some dope asked for it