Joke News
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A man walks into a bar, and orders a beer.
As he sits there, the jar of nuts on the bar tells him what a nice shirt he is wearing.
Disturbed by this, he goes to the cigarette vending machine to buy a pack of smokes.
As he approaches the machine, it starts screaming and shouting at him.
He runs to the bar and explains this to the barman.
The barman apologizes and says, "The peanuts are complimentary, but the cigarette machine is out of order!"
Q. What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup?
A. Anyone can roast beef.
The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
No news is good news:
New York:
An insurance company refused to pay off a pedestrian crossing the street (who was hit by a truck).
They claim the man was hit by a beer truck and therefor the accident is an alcohol related accident since some of the beer fell out of the truck
after it skidded to a stop and rolled over.
Dogs are smart - Leopardville :
The owner of a young pup bragged to his friends, "I asked my dog how much twelve minus twelve was and he said nothing."
Another Lawsuit - Brooklyn:
A masochist is suing the sadist for cruel and unusual punishment,
including torture.
The masochist begged the sadist to hit
him and the sadist refused.
News Headlines:
Funeral today was for man who got scared "half to death" - twice.
Good health is called the slowest possible rate at which to die.
Click Here to go to Our Fun Quotes Page, with quotes such as:
"The strength of the Constitution lies entirely in the determination of each citizen to defend it. Only if every single citizen feels duty bound to do his share in this defense are the constitutional rights secure."
-- Albert Einstein
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